Untitled--21.

21. I wanted to see if I could get away with not talking about this because I didn’t want anybody to know. I wanted it to not be a big deal, that I could wake up one day and tell people that you had passed but that it wouldn’t be any kind of a drawn-out process, that there wouldn’t be any pain, that you might just sleep. But you were wife and mother and those facts seem to push me towards speaking of what you did. Beautiful and wise. These stations are not praised appropriately, still.

We tick the time with your bodily motions, your words. We review names. You are Doina. I am your granddaughter. Your daughter is there with you, she is my mother, your other daughter lives far away but is going to call you on the phone. There are classic movies playing in the background. I wonder if you understand any of them. At least they seem to have stopped with the fear-based news.

I wonder how much you perceive now and whether or not you understand me but I am fairly sure that you do. It is a good sign, but it comes and it goes. Someday I will be back here with someone else. I don’t know who. But I don’t want to think about that yet. Easier to get stuck in my rut of right now. I need to be going soon. So do you.