Untitled--17.

17.
I wanted to not have to talk about this. Maybe I thought that part of me could simply ignore it, that if I didn’t speak about it, all these things wouldn’t be true. But you were wife and mother and those are the most unsung praises of all. I learned that you were second in a line of single mothers, too. How strange that that could be common even then. And you tried to blame yourself for your first marriage not working. “I was jealous,” you said. This stunned me most of all.

We review names. I don’t even know if you understand what time it is anymore. We try to go easy this time. I am your granddaughter. She is your daughter. Your other daughter lives very far away right now. Time is ticked by the ability of your insides to cooperate. That is how it works now. You still watch classic movies. But I wonder if you know at all what’s going on in them. Are you losing your English, or can you just not find it well anymore? I wonder about that too, about the extent of the confusion.


But I will be back here someday with someone else. Not sure who yet. It’s ok if I lose my future, too. I was never too attached to it anyway. All I know is the little dreams I have, and the little moments I have right now. It’s time for me to go. It’s time for you to go, too.

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