Untitled--20.

20.

 I wanted to not have to talk about this if possible. But you were wife and mother and those praises go unsung for so long that I have to tell people about this. This work has value. But I had hoped that this could be some secret ritual between us all, since there are only women of our blood left now. Sadly it is not to be the case. It seems that towards the end, the players increase and the handlers must be educated if anything is going to feel compassionate.

You still watch classic movies, but I don’t know whether you know anything that’s taking place. Maybe it is just good background noise to distract from the deathly silence. But you always did like TV. That makes me happy, I suppose. I heard that you had stayed up for so long talking about people who had passed years ago, whom you hadn’t spoken about in years. We tick the time based on your kidneys now, knowing full well that your discomfort is increasing. Maybe the movies are for us, too. Maybe we don’t want you to know what’s going on in this world for the rest of this time anyway.

But I will be back here again later with someone else. About that must I be honest with myself. There is no point in self-deception. I don’t know how I will manage when the time comes. Might I be alone in it? I have done paperwork for so many other things on my own, so maybe for this  it will be easier than I think. I have no idea why I am thinking about the paperwork involved. But here we are. It’s getting late, or at least in your mind. We review names. I am your granddaughter. You might wonder why you’re between these worlds anyway. At any rate, I have to go. You will have to leave soon, too.