Day 20—The Servitor of the Engines of Joy

The machine wheezed in and out slowly. Nobody but Miles had noticed how hot the room grew at times. It could not have just been the prosthetic lung of that assistor. Every time he moved into the corner he encountered matter, presence. He often reached his hands forward, expecting to feel something there, like in elementary school where they had those black mystery bags with peeled grapes and shaved cucumbers and rubbery spiky bouncy balls. But his hands felt nothing true, only dense matter.

Miles wasn’t afraid. It’s that he hesitated comparing with the others and didn’t ask whether they saw the servitor. How do you accuse something non-corporeal? This was maddening and not a thing to just accept. One evening in supervision, he accidentally dozed off.

It had a medical droid face. Its eye sockets met in a convex arch that humans would interpret as programmed for sincerity.\

“Who are you?”

The breathing machine kept on.

“Are you an angel?”

“I am the servitor of the Engines of Joy. I oversee all medical technology in this realm. Especially that which acts a part.”

“Are you preparing him?”

“That is his own mission. It is not my place to do work for him.”

“How do people decide to go sooner rather than later?”

“They must finish the business in their minds. It is not of an unseen realm. Only of yours.”

“Why are you staying with him?”

“It is my duty.”

“I can understand that. But why if you’re not preparing him?”

“Lifting the weight is heavy.”

Miles stirred, then finally awoke. “So much strange love we think we have, in the delusion that God guides us.” He flipped the light on in the corner and dimmed it, remembering a story he had heard long ago about the Grandfathers. It wasn’t his culture, but the legend was that they came to choose who joined.

The next night, Miles dreamt of a man in a top hat and tails, and dark glasses.

Hashish hashish! Tabac tabac!!! the man cried. He danced wildly and started punching Miles in the arm. Café café!! It seemed as though he were trying to start an impromptu mosh pit with Miles. Miles awoke, perplexed and antsy.