Hurt Me Daddy, for I Have Blogged

 I have made a strong decision for my wellbeing right now. This particularly relates to supporting metaphysical co-business owners/entrepreneurs,  I will not be giving my energy any further,  to people who have difficulty standing in community with me as a fellow human. If that is potentially toxic or emotional blackmail, I am open to and ok with that. If you think I am acting exhausting, I might be. But this is also in alignment with what I need right now. I know that I can be problematic and difficult to deal with. I am also coming to terms with the fact that I have muted and tamped down a side of myself for too long-- that I am an ethnic-American. In the 80s and 90s if you were light-skinned it was the legacy of just being whte and wanting to blend in. Well, my relationship to that has changed and honestly this identity has created problems for me through my entire life. I would actually compare it to some peoples’ versions of transness—the constant inability to get tr...

I keep seeing that graphic of "2023 is the year when people show you who they are and you believe them" and I'm sitting here like y'all have already been doing that with people like me, don't worry 😆 Some of us give shit first (or ongoing) impressions but are still ok humans, fyi. I'm more put off by potential manipulators who know how to "check all the boxes" off the bat and show good behavior. No I'm not talking about masking, I'm talking about people who try to effect a social outcome, for survival reasons or otherwise. So maybe 2023 is the year we don't mute people like TV channels just because they say occasional off-putting stuff. I think we could stand to connect better and practice a touch of social resilience without running away at someone else's every misstep. No I am not telling people to put up with harm. I'm saying most people are going about life trying their best and we forget the fuck out of that sometimes. Stop ...

  So I’ve started to work out a lot more around my gender and here is how I’ve broken it down. About 70-80 percent of the time I feel completely agender/gender null as well as somewhat genderfluid. I’m solidly a they/them during that time, and in general that’s always a good set of pronouns to default to. Roughly 20-30 percent of the time I have concluded that I’m a nonbinary woman/multigender person who, ok this is going to be the confusing part…would prefer to take he/him pronouns. Let me see if I can drill down on this a little bit more. AMAB people presenting fem, in either deliberate performance drag, genderfluid expression, or showing that they’re women (aka transwomen/fems, who are women!) have ALWAYS been the foundational roots of my aesthetic influence. The list includes. Adam Ant Pete Burns Boy George (yes I know he’s problematic) Gen P Orridge (yes I know s/he’s problematic) Robin Finck of NIN in the early days RuPaul (yes I know he’s problematic, but h...