Hurt Me Daddy, for I Have Blogged

Suggesting to gender-marginalized people that they use discernment about what gender archetypes we consume and where those are coming from is NOT internalized misogyny. It's like a suggestion that you know the ingredients of a food that you're going to consume. It's not telling anyone to go on a diet or not enjoy food; it's just suggesting that we know what we're nourishing our systems with & know what we're putting into our bodies. "Divine Feminine" is a neutral-value concept. What we are critiquing is "spiritual" people who don't realize how or when their beliefs prop up patriarchy. Also, Divine Feminine concepts are not uniform cross-culturally, because gender values/expectations aren't (thank you to my actual, pretty agender by a lot of US standards, mother! for driving that point home). But New Age bullshit tends to water everything down then condense the Greatest Hits into something that in fact supports conservative ideolog...

Just a thought for today: If you think the work/ general existence/example of creative shit etc that someone's doing makes a personal difference to you, tell them. I got the opportunity to give feedback to someone like that this week and then someone else returned the love to me too, and it was wonderful. I especially appreciate when I get the compliments for being my weird fucking self, and especially this week cause queer folx need to love on each other just a little harder right now. The feedback from people you hugely respect, who are excelling at their art form(s), who take the time to compliment you in a non-circle jerk kind of way, is a huuuge deal. I got some very early, kind, but balanced commentary about my comedy, even back in the day when I was just blowing stupid outrageous hot air on Twitter, and I think it was partially responsible for motivating me to keep at it all. And I also specifically think that cishet people actively encouraging/nurturing/casting/giving oppor...

I'm trying to be grateful for the friends who did stick around this year. I'm trying to view things less in a binary of "you're near to me" or "you're far away from me." Love is unlimited, but humans are limited. Our hearts only have the capacity to carry so much. It is our containers that only exist as a certain size. So we grieve those whom we had to ask to depart. We hope that maybe some of them will return. But we're unattached in that moment. Not   uncaringly. Just....in the middle of some existence that feels neutral. Maybe Zen. The Reverend Kinky Flashlight would be proud. Night Town is quiet and empty sometimes. And the darkness makes us feel small and alone, though we're not. The remedy to this condition is false intimacy. Or is it? Screens. Bubbles. Meshes. Membranes. Then you find yourself someplace, ten years later saying "I don't think I remember how to do this anymore. " We don't think we remember...

  Your regular reminder that terminologies can often become weaponized. Neutral terms can have guilt and shame instilled into them by events and actions that are not your doing. Words like “community” can become weaponized in the name of cultish harmony at all costs, when we constantly forget that a diversity of approaches, life experiences, ways of thinking and ways of being in our bodies are how most amalgamations of people and other living things operate. And honestly? Speaking from that school of hard knocks bullshit? A level of discernment around this subject is really important. And it’s exceedingly important in organizations that employ top-down power structure, because powerful people can alter definitions on a whim. They can and will change the rules on you. You are not harming community if you come forward and speak out about harm. You are not harming community when you try to pull an uncomfortable conversation forward. You are not harming community when you center vi...

  I think, in life and in general, there is something of an overarching expectation that you do not come for members of your own group, especially if that group has been historically marginalized. Indeed, I’ve found my own choices to be in alignment with this type of thinking. I’ve granted excessive mercy and patience to fellow Jewish people, and experienced a reluctance to sever ties even when harm was perpetrated. I’ve noticed a discomfort at potentially echoing the ”other guys’” political talking points when having a conversation about a lot of types of politics or belief systems. I’ve noticed an extreme reluctance to name harm within one’s own ideological community, whether that be political, religious or spiritual. And I’m trying to understand where this thinking and framework comes from. Is it particularly North American? Is it Eurocolonially derived, coming from an idea that we can’t be wrong and if we are, that’s a “sin” that only serves to challenge our rightness of pres...