Untitled--24.

24.

I wanted to avoid having to talk about this because people have relatives die all the time. It feels like I should be going about my life normally. But you were wife and mother and I do think that the praises of this should be sung. My mother keeps telling me how strong your body is, and it’s breaking my heart even more. But you were always stubborn, too.  Part of me wanted this ritual to be silent, no grave marker. It is not an insult, it’s an honor when your rite is among the most sacred sites.

We tick the time with bodily functions. We still watch classic movies on TV. We have become a circle now at your bedside. I don’t know why they like to watch the fear-based news, but they do.  You are Doina, but now we remind you of your own name less. I am your granddaughter. This is your daughter. Your other daughter Cristina lives far away. She will call you on the phone. You talk of people who passed years ago. They are people you haven’t talked about in years. Say hello to all of them for me.

But I will be back here with someone else someday, and I’m not sure how I will do it. Can I adopt a family to help me with this? I don’t want to lose anybody else. I want to keep everybody exactly as they are now. I know I’ve grown, and I know that life keeps progressing. And I think it’s time for me to get my coat and go now. It’s time for you to go, too. Rest well.