The BHN Files -1.

1.

Jenae plopped down on the couch after a long day and flipped on the TV. She wanted to try to forget the text she’d gotten about three hours earlier. Allison wandered into the living room.

“Hey there. How was work?” Jenae could sense that Al needed some girl time, but frankly, she wasn’t in the mood.

“Uh. You know. The guys are always ok. Except for Tad, that fucking bro. I mean at least I don’t work with the cavemen most chicks at game stores get stuck with. Luckily they’re not all fat white basement-dwellers. But you know, Tad finally had the balls to approach me today about being their booth babe at ComicsGalore, because he saw me wear the costume that one time when BloodFountain 7 came out. I, of course, told him he was nuts.”

“Damn straight. Those fuckers finally pulled that, huh. Well, at least they’d waited until you’d been there two years.”

“Like, aren’t guys supposed to get all weirdly comfortable with you during that time and not look at you like that anymore? Anyway, Tad could tell I was furious. They usually know not to mess, but I think they wanted to get it out of the way, because they really don’t know where else they’re going to find a booth babe.” Being a young, attractive black woman in GeeksVille could be a special kind of hell, depending on how much she was willing to laugh at everything that particular day.

“That term makes me wanna gag.”

“Girl, don’t even. PopCrunch?” Jenae held out the bowl.

“Hey JJ. I have a weird question.” There was no getting her roommate off her back after offering food, so Jenae grabbed a pillow and got comfortable.

“Ok….”

“You ever hear of this motivational program called BHN?”

Jenae scanned the files. A good few seconds.

“Oh, shit. That’s one of those PickupPals marketing programs, isn’t it? “Practiced by the most amazing of the bunch. Get what you wish for immediately. Your wish is their command. BED HER NOW!” Jenae shuddered visibly and made skeeved-out faces, sticking her toungue out.

“Yup.”

“Sooooo…why’re you asking? Do I want to know?”

“So, Alex and I have been dating for 8 months now. He recently admitted to me that he meets with these BHN guys a couple times a month. They all have nicknames. They all cheer each other on. It’s like a support group.”

“I’m waiting for your feminist fury, Al.”

A bit of silence.

“They do make me pretty uncomfortable, but Alex asked if we wanted to meet up with them at this bar. To watch them in action.”

“How’re you gonna avoid getting introduced to all his BHN buddies as his girlfriend? They must know he has one. And is he allowed to rat them out? Do they have to, like, kill him if he says stuff?” Jenae snickered.

“I don’t know. Probably not. Why would they invite us along?”

“Us? HE invited YOU.”

“He said ‘Bring your roommate.’”

“Yeah, because the general dating scene loves Black women soooo much.”

“Ok. I mean, no pressure. I get it if you feel weird. But like, I also don’t want to be the only woman there ‘on their side.’”

“You….realize on how many levels this is severely wrong, right?”

Allison paused. “It’ll give me material for the graphic novel. I mean, I bet no one has written one about PickupPals.” Jenae was indeed impressed at Allison’s wit with putting together both  text and illustrations for this graphic novel. Occasionally she contributed to certain sections of the storyline.

“I’d forgotten that graphic novels don’t have enough misogyny in them,” Jenae delivered with deep irony, though her voice had softened considerably.

I mean, if anything it’ll be interesting. Right?”

Jenae stopped, and took a few deep breaths and remained quiet.

“If we have a terrible time, I owe you a date to BodyGlow,” added Allison. Jenae was a known addict of Body Glow’s relaxing scrubs. Could never resist.

“Fuck. I can’t believe we’re gonna do this.” She smoothed her luxurious purple braids and coiled them down her shoulder.

“First things first, I think you should finally read that book, The Method. So we know what we’re really getting into.

“I guess. I mean, I’d rather know.” A longer pause. “We’re reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllly doing this.”

“You said yes.”

“I said yes. Ok, as payback you have to watch Waggly’s Cab Ride with me.” Jenae loved the types of kids’ movies with plenty of adult-understandable humor in them. Allison always rolled her eyes at the kids’ stuff, already burnt out because of her friends with altogether too many toddlers. Jenae had done her best to avoid anything child-related, but loved a lot of kids’ and Young Adult movies and series herself.

“Fine, just this once.” Allison flipped her roommate off with a grin.