Hurt Me Daddy, for I Have Blogged

Sleepy-eyed shifting and a push of the hand. “What the hell’re you doing, Jerry??” Mara mumbled. “Nothing, Kiddo. Nothing.” His voice sounded disappointed. It was starting to feel like jail. ** Mara pretended to be asleep until Jerry left the camper next morning, packed all her things and promptly moved back into Yana's and her old camper. Maybe she could just forget the past two weeks. “Wurrr you doing back here?” Yana mumbled. Mara expected to find her with a man but she wasn’t. “Some shit went down. I’m back. It was only temporary anyway.” That wasn’t her original intention, but it was now. “Ugggggggggggggh.” Mara could see that Yana’s depression had worsened. If she were really pregnant, the mood swings were certainly starting to show more profoundly than usual. “So…uh, you doing ok?” She really didn’t want to have this conversation but social lubricant if this was what she was stuck with was probably the best choice. “I prayed to the statue y...

“So, what would it take to get another person to be able to live in here?” Mara looked at Jerry inquisitively. “I don’t really think that’d work. Hernan isn’t all that comfortable when he comes out to visit.” “Fuck. Jerry, I don’t really want to live with Yana anymore. I’m just tired of it.” She didn’t want to get into detail. “And I guess with your medical stuff you probably can’t live alone, huh.” “Well…I could. I mean I’m used to it..I know what to do now.” Jerry looked around once again. “How about for three weeks or so, at first? That puts us like two-thirds into the run.” “Yay!!” Mara ran as fast as she could back to their camper to pack her suitcase. ** Yana’s eyes had started to look sunken, and all she was ever found doing lately was watching the tiny tv in their camper. “I’m still pregnant. I can’t get rid of this thing. I can’t afford an abortion.” “Maybe you should pray to the statue for a miscarriage. I’m serious.” Yana ha...

Mara graveled over to LaShawn’s office trailer in her cute shoes. She pushed open the creaky tin door. “You have an appointment, right?” “Yeah.” “Great! What’s up?” “So….how does one go about…you know, leaving here?” “Well that’s easy. All you have to do is give me two weeks’ notice. Honestly, though, we prefer that you don’t quit during the middle of the run, like it is now. But I’m not going to take it personally or anything.” Deep down, LaShawn was relieved that this problem was going to take care of itself. Maybe his strict attitude had worked. “Ok. I just, like, wanted to ask.” “Well, there you go.” Mara nodded slowly. LaShawn knew he wasn’t allowed to ask further about her medical condition. ** The trailer door banged violently behind her. The sun was setting, and she felt like a disappointed gunslinger.  She shuffled back to the trailer. “I think I might quit and get a regular job.” “Mara, I think I’m pregnant.” Yana carefully ...

Remember when we reviewed the colors? How I wheeled you through the garden? Cell degeneration is a strange thing. I am decaying, too. This man is in love with me. Fortyish. Always a foreigner. But then again, I have no country, either. Strangers fade in and out like tv test patterns. Who remembers those? Wraps, scarves, hands wrapped, face wrapped, head wrapped. A man gives me money. A woman showers it on me. Remote sadness in night’s quiet isolation. The streets are empty. Always home on time to feed the cats. You spoke and I didn’t remember you. Now I do my best to forget you. I always take it personally when men have a bad memory. So small I was then. To contract myself into a tiny point and then to disappear. I dreamt that I knew what it was like to be married, and also to give birth to a child. And then those things of this life were done, and I outdid what incredible fate gave me in honesty. I am not sorry for it. I am too stupid to know you or to talk ...

LaShawn knew that having a seizure sufferer on his cast was a huge liability. Though Mara was truly one of his best house people, he had to figure out a way to get rid of her right quickly. ** The metallic taste was becoming the worst. She didn’t visit the statue anymore. Mara was tired of the blackouts and the blood. She wanted life to go back to how it had been before. Her relationship with Yana became strained. In the meantime, Yana suspected herself pregnant. She drank and smoked and did aerobics out in the back courtyard more than usual just to make sure she wasn’t. Yana had no time to worry about Mara’s health now. Mara became less conversational, and she also suspected something was wrong with Yana. She didn’t ask. Silence erupted between the two on a regular basis. Mara decided that she wanted to ignore her health diagnosis and practice her contortion routine more regularly, believing she’d make it back into cast at the end of the run. “This is neve...

Jorge led the way as his cousin Tito wheeled over towards the statue. Most of them didn’t get days off during the run, but he had requested it and LaShawn hadn’t minded obliging for a one-off. Jorge didn’t remember how he’d found out about the statue, but he was pretty sure that one other time when he found Mara briefly passed out (and didn’t tell anyone, by her request) it had been in the same place. They arrived at the bumpy, grassy, slightly-raised mound that was the overgrown alcove behind the horticulture greenhouse. Strangely protected from the rain, though it didn’t rain much on those particular fairgrounds. Jorge helped Tito brake his wheels slightly inclined onto the grassy area. “This looks like those gardens that the Filipinos in the hood used to have. But more overgrown.” “Yeah. It kind of does.” “It looks like it’s a secret.” Jorge silently walked up close to the statue. He dipped his finger into the small rivulet of blood oozing from the Virgin’s ...

Mara hadn’t realized how serious this blackout had been until she saw medics walking towards her. The carnies never called anybody official, so there must’ve been something majorly wrong with her. They began to ask her all the usual things: what the day was, what her name was, what exactly she could recall from her episode. LaShawn attended to make sure he had all the info for his incident report. She wasn’t entirely sure how to answer as to whether or not she’d experienced an episode like this before. Never to this degree.  After some further conversation, the medic replied, “You seem like you probably don’t need a ride with us. But I would strongly recommend seeing a doctor as soon as possible. Keep track of what happens. If you know you’re having a trigger, try to be near somebody else. You probably want to avoid operating a vehicle until you get this checked out.” Mara nodded slowly. She felt completely lucid at this point, not at risk, entirely aware. ** “So...